Games, Muslim dating, and tea, aren’t words you hear together normally.

On March 31, 2018, Beyond Chai, a Muslim Matrimonial organization, hosted a “Game Night for Single Muslims,” to help Muslim singles meet each other in Baltimore, Maryland.

Maliha Malik, a marriage and family therapist and couch for BeyondChai, helps singles understand what they are looking for and navigate the process of marriage.

“Being an American-Muslim is very hard,” said Malik. “It is a blend of two different cultures.”

“We are trying to match people based on personality and compatibility,” said Qureshi.

Beyond Chai is working to educate their clients about what they really should be looking for in a spouse instead of superficial attributes and romanticized ideologies. “Some of the challenges we had with matchmaking is clients want someone from a certain age, race, from a certain country,” said Saman Qureshi, Marketing Director for BeyondChai.

Making the Perfect Cup of Tea is Work and so is Being in a Relationship

“How is being in a relationship like tea? If you don’t watch the pot it starts to boil,” said Rehman.

BeyondChai is trying to make a change in what people look for when selecting a spouse and question their own biases and cultural conditioning. “We are trying to match people based on personality and compatibility,” said Qureshi.

Shayan Zahir, an IT Consultant, already feels he’s late to the game finding love.“Growing up I really wanted to be like a young father,” said Zahir. “At first it bothered me that I couldn’t find someone, but over time you would just rather find the right person and wait.”

Zahir has used all of the Muslim dating apps and matrimonial services like, Minder, MuzMatch, and even Beyond Chai, however he has no luck and continues to face the same issue. “I keep matching with people, but because of being from another community, it doesn’t work out,” said Zahir.

Zahir is an Iranian-American. “Some of the obstacles I face when looking for a significant other have been mostly because of religious belief, like Shia and Sunni,” said Zahir. Zahir is a Shia Muslim and finds Sunni Muslims don’t want to marry Shia Muslims.

If it isn’t religious beliefs then something else stands as an obstacle. “There have been times it has been incredibly well, but as soon as they find out they don’t have the same career path they don’t want to pursue,” said Zahir. “If someone has a PhD they want to be with someone with a PhD.”

For Marwa Mansour, an Egyptian American, being a feminist may be the problem.

“Unfortunately, most Egyptian households I know of, end up having a much more patriarchal family structure,” said Marwa Mansour, an entrepreneur. “As a result, I am considered far too outspoken for their  taste.”

Mansour is one of the 3.3 million Muslims in America – just 1 percent of the population. Mansour has found it difficult to find Muslims potentials that are like her in religiosity and have a similar world view.

“There are so few people with similar backgrounds and similar upbringings, frankly being single is much more easier because of that,” said Mansour.

The ADAMS Center is one of the largest mosques in the United States, located in Sterling, Virginia. It serves over 5,000 Muslim families. Due to the increase of divorces in the Muslim-American Community, ADAMS Center has made pre-marriage counseling mandatory.

Why has ADAMS Center Made Pre-Marriage Counseling Mandatory?

According to the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding (ISPU), ISPU Marriage & Divorce Project 2013, the divorce rate among North American Muslims has, “sharply risen.”

“Once we started seeing an influx of difficult marriages coming through, people coming to see the Imam to save their marriages, and then we started seeing divorces coming through, we saw this was an essential part of the planning,” said Sohaira Sultan, Marriage Service Coordinator.

Now, pre-marriage counseling is a service that is mandatory for every couple to be married.

Mohsin Rehman, an engineer in Virginia, believes that dating apps have given us too many options and and a false belief that there is a perfect individual out there.

“You know if you swipe left, you have 300 matches to go,” said Rehman.

Mohsin believes the Muslim dating apps are making people believe there are perfect people out there.

“You will find one flaw and because we have this new aspect of choice, what Muslim halal dating has become, you always find that no one wants to settle,” said Rehman. “Everyone one wants to swipe left and wait for the next perfect person.”

Bollywood, with the impromptu songs in gardens has also given their movie junkies a false expectation of what a relationship should be.

“You would grow up watching these Bollywood movie, and that would kinda shape, oh I want romantic love life between my husband,” said Rehman. “We want to sing in the rain and dance around the tree. As you get older, the trees are really big. It is a workout. You don’t want to do it.”

Just like making the perfect cup of tea, marriage is work.

“How is being in a relationship like tea? If you don’t watch the pot it starts to boil,” said Rehman.